CURRENT DEFCON LEVEL // updated: always
5Fine
4Iffy
3Yikes
2Oh No
1Classic FUBAR
OPERATIONAL STATUS DASHBOARD // live™
Plans going to plan
0%
target was also 0%
Fires currently active
17
metaphorical and literal
Meetings that could've been emails
∞
trending up
Uptime
99.999%
of being confused
Root cause identified
YES
it was definitely Albert
Post-mortems written
34
none acted upon
Hotfixes on prod
212
since last friday
Chaos monkey status
RETIRED
couldn't keep up with us
INCIDENT LOG // classified but also public
13:37:00 UTC
[CRIT]
Deployed to prod on Friday. No known survivors.
13:38:14 UTC
[CRIT]
Rollback failed. Rollback of rollback also failed.
13:44:02 UTC
[HIGH]
New junior dev merged to main. Force-pushed. Whistled innocently.
14:01:55 UTC
[CRIT]
Database backup confirmed. Unfortunately from 2019.
14:23:19 UTC
[HIGH]
Monitoring is down. We're flying blind. Feels fine though.
15:00:00 UTC
[INFO]
Stand-up completed. Nobody has any blockers. Everything is fine. (It's not.)
15:47:33 UTC
[CRIT]
We found the issue. It was working as designed. The design was the issue.
16:12:04 UTC
[INFO]
Team retrospective scheduled. Root cause: "communication" (again).
—
[LIVE]
Waiting for next incident... (average wait: 4 seconds)
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS // nobody answered them
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